Mark Clement

Sex Slaves in America

Over the last year there has FINALLY begun to be some consistent buzz/chatter about the booming sex slave industry. Not only the one overseas, but the one right here in America. As Tammy and I have learned more we have been overwhelmed with the sheer enormity of it. The fact is that Americans are the #1 consumers of the sex slave trade worldwide. Not only are Americans traveling to international locations solely for this purpose, but now they can get it right here at home. Did you know that Atlanta, GA was the number one sex slave destination in North America? Not New York, or Los Angeles or Las Vegas. Atlanta. I know, it's hard to believe.

To learn more about this unbelievable situation, check out this trailer for the upcoming movie, The Playground Project. I want to encourage you to spread the word about this film and more importantly about this issue. We need to start talking about it, giving to organizations that fight it, and doing what we can individually, as families and as churches to stop it.

I'm Sorry For Being A Jerk

Those of you that know me know that I'm a very easygoing, laid back kind of guy. I rarely get worked up about anything and tend to keep a very cool head even in stressful situations. I usually think before I speak and when I do speak I try to focus on solutions more than obstacles. That trait, part personality, part acquired skill, has served me extremely well over the years. But yesterday I blew it. 

I wasn't having a bad day. Things were actually going pretty well, but the sheer volume of things was starting to wear on me. I hadn't eaten lunch (no time) and it was getting to be about 2:30 when I started to fade. I had just finished a long conference call and had a voice mail waiting for me. It was my eye doctor's office telling me something I didn't want to hear. Nothing bad, just another thing I had to add to my crazy schedule. It ticked me off and I immediately called them because this was crazy. And wrong and unjust and unfair and just ridiculous. Mind you this was all over a set of contacts. 

Debbie answered the phone. I started off nice enough but as soon as she repeated what she had already told me on the VM I lost it. Now for what it's worth, I didn't yell or raise my voice. My aggressiveness is more of the passive type. Emphasis on the ass. I was short with her. I was sarcastic. I sighed very loudly several times. I paused dramatically before answering her questions. In other words, I was a total jerk-face. I was wrong and unjust and unfair and just ridiculous. Did I mention this was all over a set of contacts? 

I begrudgingly scheduled a new appointment and when she thanked me I basically hung up on her. Classy, I know. Again, emphasis on the ass. 

I spent the next few minutes stomping around my office, trying to justify my anger but I couldn't. I felt horrible. I knew I was wrong. Way wrong. And I had to make it right. I had to own my stuff. 

The second call had a very different tone. Debbie answered the phone. I won't relive the entire conversation but suffice it to say it was riddled with groveling, humility, shame and repentance. And most importantly; forgiveness. She was so sweet and kind, which of course made me feel even worse at first, but she forgave me. Just as Christ forgave her for whatever stuff she's done. Past, present and future stuff all rolled into one big pile of forgiveness. 

As Christ followers we are absolutely not perfect. If anything we're broken vessels held together only by the grace and love of God. And in the same way we're forgiven and loved, we are compelled to do the same for others. That means asking for forgiveness when necessary, and granting forgiveness always. That's what being a Christian is all about. Emphasis on Christ. 

Men, Leadership & Depression

"He who lives by the approval of others will die by the absence of the same." - Steven Furtick

I don't think there's a man on the planet that can't identify with this statement to some degree or another. At a minimum I think we all want approval from our families, our wives and our children. Could write an entire post about getting approval from our fathers alone. For some of us this approval addiction goes much further, permeating our professional lives. The hardcore addicts can't ever get enough of it, even when they are at the pinnacle of 'success'. Often times the more accolades they receive the more they desire. It's never enough.

In our new 'global community' of the web, twitter, facebook, blogs, etc...we're even more exposed to the success and triumphs of others in our field and thus can suffer by comparison at an even deeper level. We not only want the approval of those we lead but from our ever expanding peer group as well. Are we being re-tweeted? How many hits is our blog getting? How many followers? Is anyone paying attention to us at all?

So what happens when you don't get your fix? What happens when it all goes away and you suddenly find yourself alone with...well... with nothing but yourself? Where does your self worth come from then? What's next? For many men, the 'what's next' is depression. 

Men don't talk about it much, but depression is real. No man is immune, especially those who find their worth in the approval of others. Quite frankly, the higher we climb, the greater the opportunity we have to fail. And to make matters worse, as men, we let pride, shame and a fear of appearing weak prevent us from getting the help we need. But help is out there in many, many forms. And you need to know that you are not alone. check out this clip from Tom Johnson, former CEO of the L.A. Times and then CNN. 

Find more videos like this on MedicalMommas.com

What Grace Looks Like

This past Sunday, Steven Furtick and Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC invited Ted Haggard and his wife to be their guests, sharing their story, etc...  This raised a lot of eyebrows throughout the Christian world, people asking 'why would you do that?'  From the Elevation Church web site:

» Here's how it happened...

- Pastor Steven attended New Life Church (Ted Haggard's former church) while he was in college, and at the time it was the largest church he'd ever been to. The visit was inspiring and had a profound impact on his life.

- As the saga of Ted Haggard received national media attention over the last couple years, Pastor Steven followed the story and recently saw the HBO documentary chronicling the life of Ted Haggard. It really tore Pastor Steven apart to see the effects of sin on the Haggard family.

- Consequently, Pastor Steven contacted Ted Haggard to share how his life had been impacted and encourage him to remember that God could and would still use his life. He wanted to honor Ted Haggard for the work he had done. And, ultimately, invited Ted Haggard and his wife to come share his story at Elevation Church.

» And here's why it happened...

- Many of us are in a position that if we don't receive God's healing in our lives, we're headed for some of the same calamity Ted Haggard and his family experienced. We all need a vivid reminder of what's at stake when we flirt with sin and don't receive God's healing power in our life.

- Pastor Steven is inspired by Ted Haggard's wife, Gayle, and why she decided to stand by him through all the allegations. Elevation wouldn't bring Ted Haggard in if his wife didn't come with him to share her part of the story too.

- We're not promoting a man. We're not reinstating him back into the ministry. We're not hiring him at Elevation church. We're simply allowing Ted Haggard to tell his story.

- We're not going to condemn Ted Haggard for what he's done. We're not going to bash homosexuality. - We're not endorsing homosexuality. We're not endorsing anything. We're frankly going to let the story speak for itself.

- We want people to see what it looks like when a man deceives and lies, then his sin is found out. And what it looks like when a family stands by and forgives.

- We're committed to being a church that can talk about everything.

The real question that believers should be asking is not 'why would you do that?', but 'why WOULDN'T you do that?'  Kudos to Furtick and Elevation for showing the world what grace looks like. 

My Boy Is Growing Up

Been on a really interesting journey with my son Marcus (20) over the last few months.  Not unusual for his age, he's been on a search for purpose and direction, taking a semester off from school, etc...  It's been tough on him and not a lot of fun for his parents either (nobody said parenting was easy) but something we all joined together to tackle.  I kept believing through this trial that he would eventually get where he needed to get and life would continue.  I'm very proud to say that he has, and he has articulated it extremely well in his blog.  Check out the post here and enjoy.  I know I did. 

3 People You Need To Know | Part 1 of 3

Over the next few days I want to talk about 3 people that every one of us need to know.  Whether you are a church planter/leader, a business leader or just a regular old person, these 3 people are critical to your growth and development

Person 1 | Mentor
Good grief Mark!  We thought this was going to be new information, some fresh spin on an old idea.  Now let's be honest, we all know about needing a mentor.  But truthfully, how many of us actually have one?  A real one.  A real, tried and true, honest to God, mentor.  Wow it got quiet in here.  It's funny because we all acknowledge the importance of this role, yet precious few actually practice it.

I believe the idea, the definition of a mentor has morphed a bit over the last few years.  It used to be accepted that a mentor was for life, a really long term relationship person who walked through life with you, always at least a few steps ahead.  While this is probably the best kind of mentor, it is less practical than it once was.  In this generation I believe it is more practical for mentorship to be seasonal.  That's a topic for another time.

But regardless of how we find it, I think we all can agree on the fact that mentorship, to be truly effective, requires a few key elements. 

First it must  be spiritual.  For someone to truly mentor you there must be a shared spiritual connection, a common ground of values and beliefs that are foundational to the relationship. This one is non-negotiable.

Second, it must be honest.  The person must have the ability and fortitude (and yes your trust) to be honest no matter what.  Otherwise it's an exercise in wasted time.

Third there must be some semblance of frequency to help keep the train relatively close to the tracks on a consistent basis.  This is also helpful in making sure the mentor really knows you and how you deal with things on a regular basis.  It helps to expose patterns and tendencies that are very relevant to them giving you strong and accurate leadership.

Fourth, it really needs to be someone of the same sex.  If you have to ask why then we have another whole set of problems to deal with. 

Finally it's crucial that the mentor have no dog in the fight.  In other words it doesn't need to be someone who has any potential conflict of interest with you.  Doesn't need to be a close relative, a competitor or someone you work too closely with.  There are exceptions to this of course, but they are few and far between.  It is preferable that they are familiar with your life, but not directly in it on a daily basis.  This helps them remain objective and truthful. 

If you don't already have this person, I strongly encourage you to seek them out and soon.  Their advice, wisdom and experience can be critical in helping you navigate your life. Be like JD on scrubs and pursue it relentlessly. 

"Repeat after me.  Dr. Cox is not now, now will he ever be, my mentor."  Dr. Perry Cox, Scrubs
Hang in there tiger.
MC

Leadership

“ Nothing so conclusively proves a man’s ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.

— Thomas J. Watson, 1874-1956, President of IBM

Mark Who?

Tonight I caught some of a show called 'Samantha Who'.  Only vaguely familiar, but in short it's a sitcom about a girl who was a horrible person, then through an accident got amnesia and now is trying to be a nice person.  In this episode she decides to do something selfless and sets out to go to Africa to serve.  Only she doesn't end up going, just pretending to go.  The 10 vaccinations, the travel, the danger, are too much so she stays home, hiding out from everyone who thinks she went.  She's too embarrassed to admit she's afraid and that ultimately she doesn't really care THAT much.

On some level I identified with her.  Intentions are great, but altogether meaningless, worthless, without action.  Shoulda woulda coulda.  If 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts...  But they aren't.  They are just small words used by small people to justify small lives. 

I need a better answer to the question 'Mark who?'. 
MC

Greener Grass, More Nuggets

Tammy and I were  having lunch at Wing's a couple of weeks ago and both ordered the exact same dish, chicken lips (nuggets).  When our plates arrived she quickly surveyed the identical entree's and playfully suggested that I had more nuggets than her!  After a quick count we discovered that not only did I not have more nuggets, but that she actually had more on her plate than I did.  It's amazing how our perspective can outweigh the actual facts. 

At one time or another we have all been guilty of 'the grass is greener' syndrome.  Someone else makes more money than we do.  Their company or church is bigger, more successful.  Their family seems happier or more healthy.  Their _____ is more _____ than ours.  You fill in the blanks. 

My friend Dave and I were talking about this very thing a few weeks ago after a meeting.  Dave is a successful author of 2 books with 2 more in the works.  To my amazement he somehow manages to help  run a huge church, lead a growing non-profit organization, spend time with his family AND write great books.  I don't know where he finds the time to do it all and do it all so well.  Oh to be a REALLY successful author with all kinds of money and free time.  But not so fast.

A few months ago I read the most recent book by one of my favorites John Eldredge.  It's called  Walking With God and is basically a peak into his daily life via his journal entries over the course of a year.  On the surface you would imagine him sitting in a log cabin somewhere, with all the time in the world to think and pray and just simply write books.  Reality looked  nothing like that.  He is still running a huge organization, speaking, counseling people, participating in an active small group, going to the store, dealing with real life issues (family pet dying, a serious accident resulting in injury to name a couple)...oh and writing incredible books.  

The reality is that my grass, David's grass, and even John's grass is just that - grass.  It has to be fed and watered, mowed, raked and taken care of just like yours and mine and everybody elses.  The truth is that more success, selling more books, leading more people, whatever, typically brings more pressure and more responsibility.  Success is relative and so are the consequences of it.  

We need not be consumed with comparisons, but focus on being thankful for what's on the plate in front of us and realize that on any given day God has given us the exact right amount of nuggets for us.  Who knows what we can handle and what we need better than Him?    If you're anything like me you may need to focus more on the nuggets you already have and do a better job of handling those instead of focusing on the nuggets that aren't even on my plate.  

Eat more chikin!

MC

Addiction Follow Up

When I spoke on addiction a couple of weeks ago we used a simple video testimonial to bring everything together in the end.  Kelly Stephenson, worship pastor at Double Oak Community Church here in B'ham was very gracious to share his personal story with us.  You can watch it here and then also download a pdf that goes into much more detail about his story.  Please pass this along to anyone who may need to see it.  Thanks much.

Download 2008_addiction_story.pdf